The Love Within

It always happens like this for me: I go through an experience, a theme, something I’m reclaiming, a life lesson, a deconditioning, a remembering - and literally in those very days, almost all the social media and newsletter posts I come across speak of it too. I am fascinated with this mirror game.

This month I have had the most physically and emotionally painful moon cycle pain in a long time. I had planned a super exciting outing that day, everything was set, I was going to the movie theatre with my two film lover sisters, I had had great news the day before regarding my upcoming year, everything was per-fect. And bam. Suddenly, two hours before leaving, my womb starts burning inside. Like hell. I usually go slow in those moments, as I mentioned in my previous post, I honor this sacred time as a moment to dive deep. But this time I was literally nailed down to the sofa. Could not move. I called off the outing, and started feeling. I surrendered to the call and chose to let it "kill" me. Tears, cries, pillow hitting, breathing and meditating became my day. I let what needed to come to the surface be seen. I won't go into the details here, but ultimately it was about - as it always is - deep parts of me desiring to be seen and loved. Deep grief of maybe several lifetimes, needing to be felt. These parts were asking to be loved by nothing else than my presence, not a wonderful movie outing, or laughter with dear sisters, or talk of any kind, just me. My presence. The love that one feels when becoming aware of the constant support of the earth beneath our feet, or the constant return of the sun at every dawn. The Love that is.

I couldn't quite word it then. I was just experiencing it, surrendering to it, hearing the call and doing what I could to respond, remembering who I choose to be in this chaos. Before I got to the grief and feeling into what was really there, I was feeling so much anger, so much resistance, so much sadness "now that I finally, after literally years of loneliness, feel like I have friends I can truly enjoy things with, it's taken away from me" (I always start by feeling abandoned and such a victim, it's normal, then I become aware it's just a story, and I validate the child that feels betrayed by life, and I go deeper to ask what is reaaaally there to be seen). None of this is possible without trust, devotion to Self and letting it all be felt in all my humanness.

Then, as I scrolled through newsletters and social media later that day, I realized I could see this theme in many of my fellow light warriors' shares: one poignant article I read was about literally feeling this inner love ignite within you like burning embers warming you up from within. So beautiful.

So yes, the message coming through these days is about embodying Love when nothing else remains, when everything crumbles.