I’m on my way, but I don’t know where to.
It’s a recalibration. I know that for sure, because I trust fully that I’m not here for nothing. Nobody is. I am Love desiring to experience itself. And doing it, in every Now. We just created the illusion of time to stretch the experience and differentiate moments, so I am actually accomplishing a divine purpose in every moment, and that’s why I’m here. I’m fine really. And sincerely, I am grateful for all the things I get to experience, my 5 senses, my rainbow of emotions, the levels of safety, of sex, of impact on the world, of love, of expression, of intuition, and of connection I have are truly amazing.
And to tune into that gratitude is a practice of every moment.
And I get to set an intention for my life. I get to ask myself what I truly want. What I want to create. What’s important to me? What is so important that I want to dedicate my Now fully to it?
The truth is I don’t know anymore. My wings have been burnt. I have started so many projects and have given in to the doubts – rightfully rising to ask me “where exactly are you going?” – because THE INTENTION wasn’t there. And so now I’m left with a bunch of unfinished projects which makes the shame story show up, and therefore even more fog around my intention.
But you know what? I’m actually grateful for the fog getting foggier. One needs to hit rock bottom to bounce back up. Or in any case understand – innerstand – what needs to be innerstood. And I’m getting it now. I’m being asked to level the fuck up on my masculine energy: to accept that I CAN actually do nothing until it is clear to me what my intention is. Setting an intention is what gives me the safety of direction, of structure. When I know where I’m going I feel safe, because I have a reference, a direction. When I don’t have a direction I don’t have a Why. I do things for no reason, and my unconscious pattern is to try to replace that sense of safety with validation from the outside world.